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I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.