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Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.