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I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?