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Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...