Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?