Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!