Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing