Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.