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Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...