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Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.