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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..