Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.