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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
This recliner and I go way back.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached