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I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
The black sheep always have the best stories.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.