Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.