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Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.