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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.