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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.