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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.