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Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.