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Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."