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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.