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Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Save time. See it my way.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*