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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!