Daily Silly Status

I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.

I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.

A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."

I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.

I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.

sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....

You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.

My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again

My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.

Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.

When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.

If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.

I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.

All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.

You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.