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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”