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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached