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I just called. To say. I texted you.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!