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I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
I make a great second impression.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Chip clips are for quitters.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.