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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.