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If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
I should come with a warning label.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!