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Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss