Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..