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I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.