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If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.