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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Some days Iād like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.