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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.