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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
Life is fun! You should get one.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360