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I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)