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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry