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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.