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I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...