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Which wine goes best with more wine?
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
Gym update: not there
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.