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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.