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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
?-- that guy is cute ?
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
Serving size ?? LMAO
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.