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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
I have nothing!
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet