Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
A man is as faithful as his options
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.