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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too