Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.