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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!