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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
Don`t waste my timeline.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?