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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?